Coffee, would you care to join me?

  

   If you came over and had a cup of coffee with me, I'd first run around like mad and try to straighten up before you got here, because if you saw what my house looks like on a normal day it may scare you. Despite my best efforts it would probably still be messy when you got here because keeping it clean with young kids around is impossible, at least for me.
    When you ring the doorbell Liam and Declan would run to the door to greet you. After making it past them, which is no easy feat I would offer you some coffee and homemade treats because I love a good excuse to bake. If you had any little ones with you I would offer them chocolate milk and some goodies to go with it. Then hopefully we would be able to sit down for a minute and I'd ask you about what is going on in your life. After listening I'd tell you about mine.
    I'd tell you about how great it was to have my husband off from school and work for two weeks and how much I loved having dinner as a family every night and someone here to help with bedtime.  I'm going to be so sad when he starts school next week and he's gone all day and night:(, I'll miss having him around. I'd also tell you how I am secretly still disappointed about not being able to move, I'm trying to make the best of it but at times it's still hard. So I'm trying to make our home into something I love, hopefully that helps. I feel like since I always thought we would move in a couple years I never put as much effort as I would like into decorating, but now I am going to start and take you guys along with me.
     During this time we would be interrupted a million times by Liam showing us his cool superhero moves or maybe if you had a little one his age he would be playing and the interruptions would only be half a million. I would also probably be holding Rory who would be bouncing and laughing, while trying to grab my coffee. He's such a happy little guy. Declan would be trying to play with whatever Liam was or probably eating, one of his favorite past times.
    Then I'd tell you how I feel like time is going by too fast, it scares me to think in two years Liam will be in Kindergarten and I don't want him to be gone all day, I hope our school has a half day program I need to look in to it. I can't imagine what life will be like when they are all in school, I'll miss them like crazy. I'd talk about how I really need to start working out again, I've really been slacking over here for the past month or so, I need to get motivated. I'd probably tell you how one day I'm going to need to go back to work and I have no idea what I will do. Most of the things I would love to to do are hard fields to make a living at and that scares me. I would to tell you I dream of being a writer, but barely find the time to write except for here and even that's hard sometimes.
    When it was time for you to go I'd offer you some treats to take home, so I don't end up eating them all, and say I hope you come again soon and I'd really mean it. Thanks for joining, if you have any questions you'd like to ask me email me or comment and I will answer in a future post, feel free to ask anything:)

A Moment of Clarity

  

       I really have fallen in love with blogging. I started this blog because I love to write and wanted to keep memories of my family I may forget one day. For the most part I share everything here, there may be a few personal details that are not here, but overall anything going on in our lives I write about. This is  one of the few places I feel like I can be myself and I think that is why I love blogging so much.
     It got me to thinking that there are so many times I feel like I can't be myself or I try to put on the people pleasing persona I think people want to see because I'm scared what people will think if I am just myself. I am scared to be judged and vulnerable, so instead I just only let people see the parts of me I want them to see.     
    This has been something I have struggled with my whole life.  I am generally quiet when you first meet me, some people take this as being rude or uninterested, but really I am just shy and it takes me a while to warm. Once I do I won't stop talking though, so if you ever meet me just give me a little time I do really want to know you it just takes me a while to open up to people.
   Being afraid of what other people think of me is something that holds me back and that is why one of my resolutions is to try and stop worrying about it. Before I make decisions I wonder how other people will judge me for them or what they will think. Why I do this I'm not sure I feel when I was younger I didn't worry as much what people thought. Many times when I was younger people would give me strange looks for my hair color, piercings, or clothes. For the most part it didn't bother me I knew the choices I made would get me some strange looks in my neighborhood, but I think in some ways it did affect me because I don't want people to judge me or what kind of parent based on how I look so now I just blend in. I know people who would judge me for these things I don't want in my life anyways, but for some reason I worry anyways.
    This year I've decided to do things that will make me happy. There will always be people who are going to judge me for my house, clothes, how I raise my kids, or anything else I do but people who I want in my life will want to get to know me as a person regardless.
     Sadly, I think part of the reason I wanted to move is because I worry about what other people think when they see our tiny house, of course more room would be nice but I hate when people ask how we do it here with three kids.
    I know it won't be easy to not care about what others think, but in the long run it will make me a happier person.  In my moment of clarity (it's funny how listening to music can do that to you) I remembered the things that were important to me: family and being happy, not just in the sense of feeling happy which would be good too, but also being content with who I am and what I have.

2012 Goals

    As I look back on 2011 by far our greatest blessing was this little guy. He's made life so much better. I know as I look back though there are some things I'd like to improve on in the new year, so here we go:
2012 Goals
* Learning to live in the moment without distractions
* Making more time to just play with my children and give them 100%
* Go on a family trip
* Make date night and my marriage a priority
* Continue to work on organizing  my house
* Eat healthier (incorporate more fruit and veggies especially)
* Start meal planning again (I think it will help with eating healthy)
* Write more, start a book with one of my many ideas
* Not worry about what others think or compare myself to others
* Learn to be more appreciative for what I have and not worry about what I don't

I am a work in progress, but we'll just start with those goals for now I will give you an update in a couple months. Wish me luck!

25 Random Things About Me

     I wrote this on my Facebook page over two years ago, I thought I'd share it with you guys as well as add some updates to make it more current. I'll put * where I add something new, so you can see if things changed.

1. I love being a mom more then anything, I know it's cheesy but I really never knew I could love someone so much.  *Now I have 3 and my heart just keeps getting bigger with every child*
2. I think being a mom has made me a better person. *so true and in so many ways*
3. I wish I had a bigger house *I'm learning to love the one we're in*
4. The only problem would be is there would be more to clean and I hate cleaning.  *still true*
5. I easily get cavities and after being pregnant it's only gotten worse *haven't been to the dentist in at least 2 years*
6. I hate going to the dentist and will only go when I have a tooth ache it's horrible I know. *this is a serious problem*
7. I'm trying to learn to like vegetables cause I know they are good for me and I can't make Liam eat them if I don't but I really just don't like them *I have gotten so much better at this and actually enjoy some vegetables now, I just had to learn different ways to prepare them*
8. I never thought I would end up teaching but for the most I enjoy it, but I wish I could just stay home with Liam *I went back to work when Liam was 6 months and lasted 6 months, now I am home with all 3 and love it and feel lucky to be able to for as long as possible. I don't think I will go back to teaching though.*
9. Going back to work after Liam was one of the hardest things I cried for weeks a little dramatic I know!
10. I wish after I graduated college I pursed my career more
11. I worry that once I have another child I wont be able to love him or her as much as Liam *There was no need to worry because I do*
12. I love to sleep but always go to bed late and hate waking up early *now I read blogs and stay up too late*
13. I miss being able to take naps *I really miss them now*
14. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up *I love being a SAHM and sometimes feel like when I tell people that they ask what are you going to do when you need to work and I don't know my family will always be #1, so I hope once they are in school and when I need to work I can find something to do from home so I am still around for them. This blog has made me realize how much I enjoy writing, it was actually what I always wanted to be when I was little, somehow I forgot this along the way, so it would be awesome it if I could make money writing.*
15. I find as I get older I care less about what others think of me either they like me or they don't
16. I love slurpees and cant wait till summer *I'll probably feel this way again in the middle of winter but I love fall it's my absolute favorite*
17. I wish I had more friends with kids *still would like this*
18. I wish my dad could have been here to walk me down the aisle and meet his grandson *all 3, but I would have settled for 1*
19. If not for my job  I would have a full sleeve of tattoos *future job*
20. I love club soda and drink it constantly
21. I love going on vacations to new places
22. I'm still trying to lose the baby weight almost a year later. Can I still call it baby weight? *still doing this and think it will be this way for a while*
23. I miss going to shows I used to go all time now its been over a year *went to one 4 months ago, don't miss them as much maybe I'm getting old*
24. I always begged my mom for a brother or sister but never got one and I still wish I had at least one sibling
25. I will probably think of something else I should have written after I post this I always second guess myself