I hate to admit this and I know it is a horrible quality, but I think sometimes everyone thinks about things they wish they had. If only I had a bigger house, nicer car, better job, and so on. I'm sure everyone has something they want, but don't have. I try to focus on all the positive things that are in my life my wonderful and healthy children, my amazing husband, friends, and family. I know I have many blessings and not much to complain about, so when I find myself thinking; If only we had this or that I get mad at myself because I know my life is pretty good and I hate when I waste my time focused on silly things because I know that's what they really are.
It all started yesterday I read someones Facebook page that had great news on it and I got upset. Why? I really couldn't tell you, they are only an acquaintance of mine and there is no reason I should be upset because good things are happening in their life, if it wasn't for Facebook I probably wouldn't even know what was going on in her life. I do try to be positive, but sometimes it feels like some people always have pots of gold at the end of their rainbows and others get buckets of coal. In no way is this a poor me post, but more of me venting and being frustrated with myself for letting little things bother me. I am trying to get better at this, but I still have moments where someone will say "we just sold our house in 3 months" and I get those feelings of jealousy and think why couldn't that be us.
I am trying hard to focus on all the positives in our lives, but these feelings sometimes creep in. Then I think if only we did this instead or maybe if we didn't do that things would have worked out better. I know I can't base my life on would of, should of, or could of it's not healthy for me or my family. I just waste too much time second guessing decisions we have made or getting stressed over little things. I don't remember always being this way and I'm not really sure when it happened.
I know I need to spend more time focusing on what we do have and living in the moment, but sometimes it is easier said then done. I want to be the best mom I can for my children and I know when I am focusing on other negative feelings I am irritable and not being a great mom. Then I feel guilt for being short with my kids, impatient, or not as understanding as I should be. As a mom I know sometimes I can get caught up in all the everyday stresses of life getting places on time, keeping the house clean, paying bills, grocery shopping. The list goes on and on. In the end though if we are 5 minutes late to school or the dishes aren't done, I know it's not the end of the world, and I need to try to remind myself that in the moment so I do not get so stressed.
I debated if I should actually post this because this is not something I am proud of and I don't typically share this with other people, besides my husband. This is something I am working on though because I want to be more appreciative for all we have and I thought this was the perfect time to post it with Thanksgiving around the corner. I am also going to try to post what things I am thankful for at least once a week as a reminder to myself of all I have to be thankful for. I'm sure these feelings of jealousy will creep up from time to time, but I am going to try to learn how to not let them affect me anymore. I am also going to work on becoming a more understanding mom and not get so stressed out. My only problem is since I am alone with them most days all day and night I don't get a break, so by dinner time my patience is wearing thin and I need to work on that. I can't imagine how military wives do it when their husbands are deployed. If you have any tips or advice feel free to leave them. Thanks for reading my long rant and also I just want to thank all my awesome followers I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy day to read my little blog. I also love reading your comments, it puts a huge smile on my face and always brightens my day. Thanks:)