Thursday, July 21, 2011
What a day
Every morning when I wake up I hope to be a better mom then I was the day before. More patient, understanding, and to spend more quality time with my children instead of worrying about cleaning or other things that can wait. I sometimes find the patience I had as a teacher I no longer have for my own children. Maybe it's being asked the same question for the 1000th time, while one child wants a snack and the other is crying, or just the feeling you just can't make everyone happy, or the fact that you just finished cleaning and the house is already a mess again, who knows. While I was putting Declan down for his nap Liam decided he wanted to go in his playroom (which is in our basement) to get something and the doorknob came off so he tries to put it back on and jammed the piece too far back to reattach it. I came down and tried to fix it (all our tools were in the basement and my husband was at work), but I was unable to. So I told Liam he had to nap/rest in our room and he started screaming and crying because usually he naps in his playroom (I tried having him and Declan nap in their room together, but no one ever slept) and he didn't like this change of plans. After a day of him screaming and crying all day about every little thing, I lost it. I know it was just an accident, but it was just one more thing to add to my day and now he was crying because he couldn't sleep in his playroom (most of the time he doesn't sleep anyways). I was angry so I yelled at him and then I felt guilty because I know it was just an accident and the reason it happened was because he was just trying to fix it. I know as parents we all have these moments where we get angry, we make mistakes. I told him I was sorry, but I still feel guilty. Then I started thinking I would never yell at a child in my class like that, is that just because I as I teacher I knew it wasn't acceptable? Luckily my husband's friend stopped by and after borrowing tools from the neighbor, about 30 minutes later he got it open. So tomorrow I will try to do better then today, and I guess the guilt is just part of the parenting package.